


Truffle Oil

by reginliefvalkyrie



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Humor, Non-Binary Player, Non-binary farmer, Other, non-binary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 19:49:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18350516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reginliefvalkyrie/pseuds/reginliefvalkyrie
Summary: Farmer and Sebastian's reactions to Lewis' truffle oil quest.it's just to be funny.it's written in first person so farmer/player can be whatever you want.





	Truffle Oil

                “Anything interesting in the mail?” Sebastian asked as I re-entered our house.

                I grinned. “There’s a letter from your mom.” I quickly scanned it. My grin growing bigger.

                “What?” He looked confused at me setting our small table for breakfast.

                Sebastian wasn’t the greatest chef in the world, but I liked his cooking and it was one less thing I had to do.

                I waved the letter playfully at him. “She’s describing all the different kinds of cribs she knows who to make and which one she strongly recommends.”

                He sighed heavily as we sat down to eat. “She has no idea how to be subtle. Before you arrived, she was telling me every chance she could that Abigail was single and such a lovely girl.” He gave an exaggerated eye roll. “I agree with the single part, but lovely?”

                I laughed. “We should commission a crib and then when she delivers it, we introduce her to that baby bunny I just bought as her grandbunny.”

                “That’s cold. I love it.”

                I took a bite of scrambled eggs. “Here’s one from Lewis.” I cocked my head. “Must need my help or something. I don’t think a holiday is coming up.”

                “There isn’t.” Sebastian confirmed around a mouthful.

                I scanned the contents, once, twice, and by the third, I must have been making some kind of face because my husband stared at me.

                “He wants truffe oil.” I explained. “And he didn’t say why.”

                “Probably just wants to cook with it.”

                “Then why not simply say that? The only other time he was cryptic was.” I trailed off.

                “Was?” Sebastian prompted.

                “When he asked me to find his lucky purple shorts and keep it a secret.” I could tell Sebastian. He’s my husband and who would he tell? “I eventually found them in Marnie’s bedroom.”

                “What on earth were they doing?” He stopped himself. “Wow.”

                “Yeah, wow.”

                “How do you not remember where you took your underwear off? And how did Marnie not know they were his?” He wrinkled his nose. “Ugh, old people sex.”

                “Hey, now, someday we’ll be old. Are you saying you wouldn’t want to have old people sex with me?”

                “That’s different. We’ll both be old fogies, so it won’t be gross to us, just the new young people.”

                I snorted standing up and went towards one of the cupboards. I knew I had one used and one not used bottles of truffle oil. I took down the unused and sat back at the table.

                We both stared at it as if it would suddenly start dancing as we finished eating.

                “What do you think he wants it for?” Sebastian finally asked. “You don’t think it’s for.”

                “Old people sex?” I frowned. “I…doubt…it?” I shook my head. “No, it has to just be for cooking. Why would he use it for…that?”

 

**Several hours later…**.

                I sat down on the large bed heavily.

                Not turning from his computer monitor, Sebastian asked. “How was your day?”

                “Uneventful….until I gave Lewis the truffle oil.”

                “Oh yeah, that.” He swiveled in his chair to face me. “How’d that go?”

                “He was glad it was really slick.”

                Sebastian blinked slowly, his mind trying to comprehend what I’d just said. “Really slick? Why would….?”

                We stared silently at each other.

                “No.” I elongated that single word. “No, no, no, no, that’s not….it’s not…no.” I groaned. “And he got me involved. Again.”

                “Would truffle oil even work?” He blanched. “I take it back. I don’t want to know.”

                “I’m throwing the rest of it out.”


End file.
